Spiritual drought, spiritual thirst, actual drought, actual thirst -- both much allegorical to abandonment in a barren wasteland, sans appearances of an oasis and moisture relief from succulents yet likely of its deceptive counterpart that are temporal mirages, so much so leaves one with none other than endless, wayward trudges into absolute nothingness. Illusions and temporary pleasure, mirages per se, come as aversion to distract wanderers from their established sense of direction; the desert in itself eliminates all but a journey of aimlessness and nulls, provided that not a single droplet or ounce of vital existential necessity be found; and the most picturesque yet plausibly the loneliest of sceneries showcases a few stumbling tumbleweeds, boulders banked under layers of more impenetrable grays, and grains of musky browns consolidated to what seems as if an outpour overflowing into the horizon -- this is an exact imagery of what it feels to be drifted apart from God; a fifth actually, with the rest equating to four more times the burden.
We've all been there; you and me. We've all experienced unequivocal joy and the beauty of its permanence during seasons of constant communication with God, of delighting in worship and Bible studies, and of love flowing in and affecting many, in other words, of our cups running over, but we've also experienced the unanticipated downfall of all the aforementioned glories, of drifting apart from God, of no longer being in touch with Him. "Oh how the tables have turned," my brain might have said -- pangs of emptiness and utter loneliness kiss me goodnight and greet me good morning, and at any time of day for that matter, as it abruptly halts fun, humorous moments to a stop, nudging me to attend to an unfinished business I've long been ignoring.
Spiritual dryness is like a whirlwind, cursed into a circular cycle. It leaves the question, "How can I rekindle my relationship with God when nothing's going right?" But at the same time, it also asks, "How can anything go right if I'm not in this together with God?" It leaves me nothing but feeling uneasy, unappeased, as though something bad were to happen anytime soon, as though everything isn't working out the way it ought to (when in fact it actually is from bird's eye view), and as though the whole world, friends and family included, is scheming a manipulative plan of pushing me to the brink of executing my own death, as if the ones I love have either replaced me or is totally oblivious to my existence. Purpose-wise and career-wise, my sense of motivation and persistence comes down to imposed procrastination, idling with Netflix's marathon-worthy releases and lounging all day in the confines of my comforter, feeling the least bit guilty. And speaking of guilt, that too has been washed down the drain; during seasons of drought, I become insusceptible to whether I hurt someone or not, I'm apathetic to what I do and its consequences to those around me, to put it simply, I've lost all concern about anyone, everyone, but one -- me. Morality, passion, relationships, emotional stability: when nothing's going right with God, nothing's going right at all -- a domino effect in all its inevitability. But at what purpose? At what cost?
Possibly to push us into restoring what once was, possibly to reignite the fire that was once was God's. But then again, why do we have to wait until push comes to shove? Why do we have to wait for something bad to happen to finally start rekindling our relationship with God? With waiting, we agree to becoming complacent with neutrality, neither happy nor sad; we stay in a state of lukewarmness, of apathy (as previously mentioned), and that I think is even worse than crying bucketloads of tears or experiencing situational depression. [pullquote width="300" float="right"]Why do we have to wait for something bad to happen to finally start rekindling our relationship with God? [/pullquote] But more often than not, convictions of wanting to rekindle my relationship with God comes into motion but an overwhelming opposition negates it. Where do I start? How do I even begin renewing my faith? Do I actually want to or should I just wait a little longer?
Brief intermission: the reason why I started writing this whole post was predominantly because I lost touch with God; I didn't know what to do, where to begin, how to even start. Though try as I remained transfixed on reading nightly devotional messages and talking to Him on a daily, it still wasn't exactly what I'd call sincere and heartfelt, merely a lost cause of accustomed practices and habits, done out of a fixed disposition. But with the help of my two friends, meditation and reflection, I came to realize that..
Often overlooked, the tangible, nonspiritual relationships we have (i.e. mother-to-daughter, friend-to-friend) is parallel to a relationship with God, be it yet nurturing or already mature. And like all relationships, when faced with affliction in need of remedy, the best resolution there is, is time -- the giving of time. Not in the sense of giving space to the afflicted as consolation to regain levelheadedness but rather in the sense of making time for one another, sacrificing a set agenda and surrendering time, completely letting it takes its course, undisturbed and focused. With God, the same applies. We need to give Him our time and to allot time for Him with no time limits or set alarms attached. Through that, we are able to openly express what's going on with our lives, the good and the bad, what we feel, what went wrong, what we're sorry for, what it is that's troubling us, what our predicaments are, what we are at the brink of committing, and what we ultimately want as a result -- exactly how we would a friend. We become vulnerable and dependent to God once again, finally restoring what was. [pullquote width="300" float="left"]the best resolution there is, is time -- the giving of time[/pullquote]
All relationships are different, but spending time together, making time for one another, is the very essence of a relationship; it was initially through time, through spending and making time, that relationships begin to cultivate (e.g. acquaintances to becoming best friends) and it is also through time that relationships would mend and continually grow. It sounds so simple and not at all complex, but it's often overlooked. And hopefully, just as I was reminded, I pray the same for you. may your life be filled with so much positivity and joy that it would overflow and eventually affect others!!!
James 4:8 "Come close to God, and God will come close to you."
On a last note, if you ever need someone to talk to, just like it is on the title, you are not alone, I'm with you as I'm sure a lot of people are. Don't hesitate to shoot me a message on my social platforms if you ever wanna vent or cry your heart out! I'm here for you!